The Definition of Wrong
by Lerena Leigh Helena
Summary: Yuugi's normal, right? Perfectly normal, plays a children's card game, and---WHAT! He's getting DRUNK! Apparently, since Yuugi has been playing enough suicide games, him being drunk does not result in the norm. In fact, he almost goes completely insane.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Squirrels Aren't Cute

**Chapter One**: Squirrels Aren't Cute?!

"Jounouchi-kun, are you DRUNK?" asked a young teenager with red and black hair and blonde bangs. His purple eyes just stared at his friend with half amazement and half disappointment. He'd never seen Jounouchi like this.

The blonde fell out of his chair and laughed. "What gave you that idea, Yuugi?" he asked. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Jounouchi added, "I just thought it was hilarious that you assumed the bottle of sake in the trashcan was mine!" he blinked. He couldn't tell Yuugi the truth. He couldn't say that this was an empty bottle that was almost thrown at his head.

"Then whose was it?" Yuugi asked.

Jounouchi blinked. "Yuugi! I am surprised you doubt my spectacular responsibility skills!"

"Right. Um, may I ask you a personal question?"

Though he would hate to lie to his best friend, there was just no easy way to do this. "Go ahead..."

"You ARE drunk, aren't you?" Yuugi couldn't resist repeating the statement. After all, Jounouchi completely sidestepped the question he asked.

"If that's what you think, you are a poor poor soul." Jounouchi muttered under his breath.

"You reek of sake, Jounouchi-kun. The bottle has to be yours."

He sighed. Another common misunderstanding. "Listen, Yuug, it's not mine. It's from a hobo down the street."

"Jounouchi-kun, I'm not dumb. I'm the King of Games. I think I earned that title by doing SOMETHING right."

"Are you saying you've never seen a hobo?"

Yuugi face-palmed. "No, I'm SAYING I can tell that you're lying."

"Oh, yea, how?" a confused Jounouchi inquired.

"You're avoiding the question I asked you and there IS no hobo down the street." Yuugi didn't like where this was going, but he wouldn't let his friend be depressed.

"Hmm, Yuugi, have you ever been curious about what you'd be like if you were drunk?" Jounouchi asked his best friend.

"In all honesty, NO." replied Yuugi firmly.

"I have. I've been wondering what I'm like when I'm drunk. I hear really nice people turn into mean drunks. Is that true?"

"Uhh, I don't know Jounouchi-kun."

"Let's try it! Let's start getting drunk every Saturday and experiment!"

Yuugi's eyes widened. "Is that really a good idea?"

"Who cares as long as we have some fun?" Jounouchi wasn't sure if this was intelligent either, but he was curious about what life would be like nonetheless.

Sighing, Yuugi finally gave in. He had to admit curiosity was getting out of control. He wondered what he'd be like as well now that Jounouchi put the thought in his head. "Okay, meet up at the bar at 7 PM on Saturday."

On Saturday at 7 PM, Yuugi arrived at the bar. He sighed. What he was about to do would cost him for the rest of his life. Was this even legal?

Jounouchi walked through the door with a wallet full of money. Oh, yes, finally, one of life's greatest wonders would soon be seen.

"Okay, Jounouchi-kun, buy us some sake." said Yuugi. He sat down at the bar and just stared at his friend while he bought them some sake.

Finally, after minutes of using two fake IDs to convince the bartender that they were 21, Jounouchi slid a bottle of sake down to his friend.

Yuugi stared at it as if it were poisoned. "Well, here it goes."

At the same time, Jounouchi and Yuugi sipped down their sake and washed it down with water. And then...it happened.

"Jounouchi-kun?" he looked around. The tavern's wooden walls were the same, the floorboards still creaked when he moved, and Jounouchi was still beside him. However, on the table behind him was a squirrel with pink fur. "Do you see that?"

"What are you talking about, Yuug?" he asked. He looked where Yuugi was looking, but saw absolutely nothing.

"I want your soul!" came a squeaky voice, undoubtedly from the squirrel.

He narrowed his eyes. "Uh, Jounouchi-kun, please tell me you heard that."

"Nope, sorry, nothing." Jounouchi said regrettably. He didn't know Yuugi would hallucinate when he was drunk. This was a bad idea. "Listen, Yuug, maybe you shouldn't drink any more sake."

The squirrel cackled in a squeaky tone. "You will burn in hell for all eternity, pawn of evil!"

"O-kay." Yuugi walked over to the squirrel. "Do you know why I'm the only one that can see you?"

"STAY BACK! You aren't allowed to see me! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A PSYCHOTIC MUSHROOM!" it screamed and Yuugi plugged his ears.

"Calm down. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to know." Yuugi stared into the dark crimson eyes of the squirrel and was freaked out. He backed away in fear. "Jounouchi-kun, t-t-this thing is..." he stammered. "EVIL! RUN AWAY!"

"You are a lonely human with no sense of direction!" said the squirrel. "You will no longer be able to see your food." It giggled sadistically and Yuugi couldn't help but continue staring at the sickened squirrel. "That's it. Stare at me. Stare at my cuteness. Don't be afraid OF DEATH!"

Yuugi screamed. "Jounouch-kun, I don't think drinking sake was a good idea!"

"Maybe wine would be less evil..." Jounouchi debated.

"How long do drinking effects last?" he asked his best friend.

"It depends on the person." replied Jounouchi.

"Great..."

"I'm surprised so little made you drunk."

Yuugi sighed. "So am I. I didn't realize getting drunk would do this to me."

"Come learn your disastrous future! Come right up and learn what will happen to you!" shouted the squirrel. It giggled again. "Yuugi will fall in a ditch and his spine will break open. Blood will come pouring out. His head will be smashed open with a wrench revealing the contents of his brain. He'll have his stomach ripped into by a tiger. Out will come his lungs and intestines. His beating heart will be squeezed by his murderer, and then eaten raw!"

His eyes widened. "Jounouchi-kun, h-h-h...help me."

"Yug, calm down. I'm sure it isn't that bad."

"IT IS! It's giving me graphic descriptions about my future."

Jounouchi blinked. "No way...have you gone insane?"

"I'm going to give you rabies!" threatened the squirrel giggling.

"QUIT GIGGLING!" Yuugi shouted.

"Are you okay, Yuugi?"

The bartender smiled. "Hallucinating, are we? I heard water can quicken the time it disappears...or did it slow it down. I can't remember."

"WELL REMEMBER FAST. THIS THING IS PSYCHOTIC!" Yuugi shouted. "Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just scaring me. I can't help it."

"Is he always hallucinating or did the sake do this to him?" asked the bartender.

"The sake." Jounouchi replied.

"Yuugi will die a graphic death and lose his next duel, because he's a failure at life!" it giggled. "I challenge Yuugi to a duel! I hope he loses so I can cut him up in ways he can never imagine!"

He sweat-dropped. "Look, you're scaring me, so I'm just going to go now."

"You can't go! You have to duel me!"

"As much as I love dueling, no, I don't. Come on Jounouchi-kun. Lets leave."

The squirrel screamed again. "YOU FOOL. I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE!" It morphed into this large white tiger about his size. He fell onto the floor.

"Yuug! Are you okay?!" Jounouchi tried to help Yuugi up, but he screamed in pain.

"STOP! DON'T! I...can't move."

"Looks like we have a strong case of Delusional Cracker Syndrome." said the bartender.

"No such thing!" said Jounouchi.

"Yes, there is. It's in the book of syndromes!" Out of seemingly nowhere, the bartender pulled out a small, black book that appeared to be some type of journal. There was a piece of paper taped to the front that looked about ready to come off. On the paper read, _Syndromes_ written sloppily in pink ink. "The writer likes pink, okay?!"

Jounouchi seemed transfixed on Yuugi fighting with himself. They were arguing about something that he couldn't quite figure out. He turned his head as he heard the bartender speak his last sentence. "Did you write that?" he asked.

"Absolutely not! It's a real certified book of syndromes!" the bartender looked offended. "I cannot believe you-" he was interrupted by the sound of UFOs. He pulled a pink cellphone out of his pocket. "Yes?" he asked. "No, I didn't leave the stove on. Mom, I'm at work! No, don't eat all my cheese. I need that for my source of calcium!"

With a sigh, Jounouchi turned his attention back to Yuugi. He appeared to be having a sword fight with whatever it is he's seeing. It appeared that Yuugi was on his feet again, but he looked like he was 'holding' something Jounouchi couldn't see.

"You won't win!" said Yuugi. "You won't succeed in your evil plans to dominate Europe!"

"Belgium will be mine!" the tiger cackled. "And then New York!"

New York is in America!"

"That's just what they WANT you to think!" said the tiger.

Yuugi face-palmed. "Look, I go to school, OKAY? I know these things."

The tiger cackled extremely loud. "You are highly misinformed, young individual! I must rip out your brain since you aren't using it! FEEL FREE TO DIE!" It scratched at Yuugi's blue leather jacket and almost tore his black shirt, but its victim backed away.

Hitting the back of a chair, Yuugi realized he was in bad shape. He looked for something he could use as a weapon to defeat this monstrous beast. He heard his name repeatedly and he blinked. "Huh?!"

"Yuugi! It's me!" came a familiar voice.

"Pharaoh? This thing's attacking me! I need something to fight it back with."

"It's a deadly adversary indeed." replied Atemu.

"You can see it too?"

Atemu nodded. "Might I suggest you throw a card at it? A solid object may make it disappear."

Yuugi pulled a card out from the card holder in his belt and threw it at the tiger. It vanished, but its loud cackles could still be heard throughout the room. It seemed louder and more menacing.

"It vanished, Pharaoh, but...I can still hear it."

"I can't help with that."

"What do you mean you can't help with that?!" Yuugi asked.

Atemu sighed. "I'm sorry, Yuugi."

"Yuugi will stab at his eyes until they bleed!" it giggled.

"STOP! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" he pleaded.

Jounouchi drank some more sake. "This is too demented to be sober for." announced the blonde.

"That sure hits the spot, am I right? Am I right?" asked the bartender.

"I already told you, I want your soul." came the same squeaky voice Yuugi had encountered from earlier.

"You and every other person." Yuugi muttered.

"Silence! I want your small intestine for lunch!"

"Well you're not getting it!" protested Yuugi.

Jounouchi laughed at the wall. "You sure know how to make good conversation!"

"WHAT?!" Yuugi's eyes widened at what Jounouchi said. "Are you talking to a WALL?"

"TALK to me and TALK only to ME!" screamed the squeaky voice. "IF YOU DON'T, I RIP OUT YOUR JOINTS!"

"That's it! You want to start something?!"

"Why don't I take over while you sober up?" suggested the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle.

Yuugi nodded. "That may be best, Pharaoh."

A few moments later, Atemu took over, but he wasn't in any better shape.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two****: The Demanding Tree**

**  
**  
Atemu stared in front of him and saw what was supposedly a very demented idea of a tree. Its trunk was slanted at the top and the branches looked so long they'd poke the customers. It was a very dark brown and was bare of any leaves. To his dismay, there were two blue eyes and a mouth on the tree.

"Do not be afraid, Pharaoh, for I am the almighty Order Tree." said the tree at once. "My name is Bob. Call me Bob or suffer the wrath of my branches. I have it in my power to grow leaves in one second and in that amount at least one apple. If you eat the apple, you will be banished from the Garden of Eden! If you let me throw it at you, I will give you one thousand dollars."

The Pharaoh blinked. Why was this thing talking to him and how did it know about his past as a former Egyptian pharaoh? "Listen, uh, Bob. Aren't humans already banned from the Garden of Eden?"

"This is the land of the White Pearls and Pink Puny Ponies! It is your mission to restore peace to this land by attending my meeting. There will be tea, so don't fret Young One." Bob replied.

"Uh, okay. So when's the meeting?" asked Atemu.

"Now, my fine fellow. replied the tree. "Welcome aboard the Pink Pony of Happiness vessel. We will be setting sail across the Green Sea of Spinach to the land of Rainbows and Friendship. Don't forget to bring your tutu."

Atemu face-palmed. "Say WHAT?! We're not on a ship and you're a tree. You can't move! And I am NOT going to wear a tutu."

"What? I never said WE were going anywhere." said the tree. "However, you are. I need you to do three very important tasks for me. Fetch me...some cherries."

"Cherries? Sounds easy enough." Atemu muttered.

"EASY?!" the tree screamed. "Oh, NO! You have to cross bridges and you need a thing called MONEY. This money is made from countless trees, so you have to kill a tree! Did I mention that you can't just TAKE the cherries without equivalent exchange? You need to give them money and they'll give you cherries!"

"KILL a tree?" he raised an eyebrow.

"In order to kill a tree, you need one of Mother Earth's most powerful weapons!"

"I know where to find an axe, but that doesn't mean I'm cutting down a tree for you." said Atemu.

"An axe? Oh, heavens no. That is not what can cut down a tree. You need a piece of cheese. One of Earth's most deadly attacks from such a food. You humans are powerful to digest it." the tree shook a branch like a human would shake a finger at someone.

"I'm not doing any favors for a tree." Atemu replied irritably.

"Then it's settled. You are the right one for this mission anyway."

He felt like he would rather duel a selfish child that kept throwing taunts at him instead of making his move then talk to this tree. Why was he under the influence of this sake anyway? "I'm not going and that's final." promised Atemu stubbornly.

"Then I'll grow an apple and you'll be doomed to feel it hit your vulnerable head!" the tree appeared to be waiting for something after this comment, because he didn't seem to have anything else to say for now.

A strong hunch told Atemu that he couldn't grow apples at all and it had to have been a lie for him to ever be able to. To the young pharaoh's dismay, an apple was thrown at his head. He threw his hand up just in time to catch it. It now looked less dead with the leaves, but Atemu thought it just looked more grotesque this way.

"You will now receive one thousand dollars." said the tree.

"I didn't LET you throw it at me." Atemu muttered.

"Get me my cherries!" Bob ordered.

"What? What does that have to do with anything!"

"Ah, I know it's a dark journey through the Forest of Magnetic Grocery Fish, but you don't need to feel nervous. My fine fellow, you shall do fine on this mission."

Atemu sighed. "You're driving me crazy, 'Bob'."

The tree laughed. "My foolish child, it's brought on yourself that you won't get me these cherries."

"Yuugi? Yuugi!" Atemu was desperate. He couldn't stand this tree any longer.

"Pharaoh, I am not doing any favors for that tree."

"Why not? You're always doing favors."

Yuugi pretended to think. "Well, it has something to do with being tired of things being crazy while I'm drunk. You're the one that suggested taking over anyway."

"That was BEFORE I knew about the tree. I thought I'd be normal!"

"No excuses, Pharaoh." Yuugi replied. "Just get him some cherries. You'll be fine."

"Yuugi. I know you don't do favors for trees. Well, the same goes for me. I especially don't do favors for talking trees."

Bob created an apple and threw it at Atemu's head.

Atemu glared at it. "Stop throwing things at me!" he caught the apple and bit out of it. "Hmm, good. It tastes like an apple."

"It IS an apple, Pharaoh." said the tree.

"Heya, Yuug, why are you talking to a tree?" asked Jounouchi.

"You can also see the tree?"

Jounouchi scratched his head. "Uh, no. All I see is a giant bottle of beer with apples. Yes, I see the tree."

He was not amused. All Atemu wanted was some peace of mind instead of talking to this tree while Yuugi was drunk, and him too apparently.

"Jounouchi, get me some cherries." ordered the tree.

"How do you know my name?!" he asked.

The tree scratched his trunk. "I heard it on the radio!"

"I'm on the radio? COOL. Hey, Yuug, I was on the radio!"

Atemu face-palmed. "Jounouchi, no. Just, no. This tree is as random as a pickle jar in the street. It doesn't make sense and it only wants cherries."

"Come on, Yuug! To the grocery store!" Jounouchi said enthusiastically.

"You want to do favors for a TREE?" Atemu asked. He raised an eyebrow. "It's not really there you know. It's all in our he--" Another apple was thrown at Atemu and this time hit him square in the head. "OUCH! Watch where you throw that thing!"

"You will accompany my master Jounouchi to the grocery store and you will bring me my cherries." said the Order Tree.

"I give up. I'm going to the grocery store with Jounouchi to get your stupid cherries. Come on Jounouchi." He walked over to Jounouchi and blinked.

"Hold on. My inner spirits are speaking to me through the tube in my head." Jounouchi held out his arms and started to do the Robot. "I am doing...the Robot!"

"Can we just go and get the stupid cherries?!" Atemu was pretty annoyed with Jounouchi for getting them both drunk but it wasn't so severe that it could damage their friendship. It was just the usual slight annoyance as if a friend kept poking him repeatedly while he was trying to sleep.

He nodded. "Sure. I know where the store is. It's only ten miles from here! I know a shortcut too. All we need to do is fly over the buildings! I found jet packs in the closet!"

"The nearest store is actually across the street. How convenient." said Atemu looking out the window.

The Order Tree started shaking his leaves off. "I'm filthy! If I want my children to be ripe for growth, I need these leaves to go."

"You're a TREE, Bob. They're healthy for you."

Bob stared at Atemu almost as if he was seeing a ghost. "Are you stupid, dear child?"

He had it up to here with this stupid tree. He dragged Jounouchi out of the bar.

"Greetings Master Atemu." said a tree.

Atemu screamed. "WHY?!" He got down on his knees and hit the concrete sidewalk with his fist.

"Bob told me to tell you to hurry up with his cherries." the tree replied. "He said it's very important that you get him his cherries for if you do not, he will grab you by the hair to see if it's a wig."

Jounouchi dragged Atemu across the street plainly ignoring the cars driving on the street. They honked their horns and some rolled down their windows to ask if he was stupid. He got to the other side without killing himself or Atemu and walked into the store.

"Attention, everyone! I am Jounouchi Katsuya. I am extremely popular so feel free to worship me!"

"Yea, man. Like I said, I never eat cherries without my ice cream. It's totally wicked to eat cherries without ice cream." said one of the workers.

"Do you think this dress makes me look fat?" said another.

"Greetings, Jounouchi. Welcome to our fine store. Since pink is the color in style here, you'll notice that everything is pink." said the boss. "My name is Barbara."

"Dude, you're a guy." Jounouchi face-palmed. "Anyway, why is everything pink?"

"Jack, Sakura! Come over here and tell this idiot how we roll!"

A woman with red hair in a bun and wearing a blue Chinese dress walked to one side of Barbara with hands on her hips. Moments later, a man stopped eating cherry ice cream and stepped on the other side of Barbara. "Pink Kangaroos Fanclub, unite!" They made a strange pose that Jounouchi wouldn't be able to describe in his life.

Watching this made Atemu sick. It was way too pink. Pink was an okay color. He didn't particularly hate it but there was a limit to how much pink should be in one place. There was a selection window in the back of the room with various fruits and cakes and...it was pink. The walls were a light pink, the ceiling a dark magenta, and the floor black. At least one part of this place looked normal. Pink couches and chairs lined the sides of the room. In the center were a few tables for eating.

"We only want to buy some cherries!" said Jounouchi. "Please hand me some cherries."

He face-palmed. Atemu was in the most bizarre situation. Him and his best friend Jounouchi was drunk and this tree wanted some cherries. How much worse could this situation get? Wait, he better not think that. Oh, but it was too late!

Three legs sprouted from each of Barbara's hips and two tusks grew from his mouth. "Behold! My true form!"

"Yuug, lets get out of here!" Jounouchi screamed. He ran right into the door. He tried to turn the handle to get out. It was impossible to escape with the doors locked.

"You won't escape unless you pass our trial!" said Sakura. Her skin had turned an ugly shade of green and Jack sprouted two black horns.

"Name your trial." said Atemu.

Jack smirked. "You must answer our riddle!"

He blinked. This was pretty easy. "Okay, that sounds fair. What's the riddle?"

"Dark as night, healthy in the pyramid, royal as the king. Who is it?" Barbara replied.

His eyes widened then narrowed. "It wouldn't happen to be the _Order_ Tree known as Bob, would it?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can handle this Yuug." Jounouchi walked up to Barbara and stared him hard in the eye. "You?"

"WRONG. You're both WRONG! Silence the losers! SILENCE THEM." ordered Barbara.

"I'm pretty sure we can't BOTH be wrong." said Atemu. Then he realized it. What if it was...him? Was this riddle made up on the spot to confuse him or something? "Me?" he asked.

"Hmmm, yes! Good answer. You may buy our cherries. Hold on while I wrap them up."

"That won't be necessary." said Jounouchi. He pulled out 500 yen and handed it to Barbara.

"SQUEE!" the spider danced. He took the money and handed Atemu his cherries. "I'll see you two later!" he said.

Jounouchi and Atemu were finally let out of the store and they walked back into the bar. It was an unfortunate series of events.

"Did you get my plums?" asked Bob.

"Look, you specifically indicated you wanted cherries." said Atemu.

"Yes, yes, but I decided plums would work better. They match my hair."

"You know what, Bob?" Atemu walked over to the tree and kicked it.

"OUCH! Right in the eyeball! Don't you have any manners?!" the tree screamed.

"I think you're the one without any manners. We spent money on these cherries and now you want plums?! No way!"

The tree cackled. A shot was in his hand. With one of his branches, he made a huge impact on Atemu's chest, knocking him down.

"YUUG! Hey, what are you doing, Bob?!"

Being pushed onto the ground didn't just make Atemu angry but it made him confused. Bob was an annoying freaking tree. Although, he didn't come off as particularly violent. He tried to push away the two branches that tried to push down his arms. It was futile. His arms were pinned to the floor.

"When I inject this heroin into your bloodstream, I will disappear. Beware the horrors of school!" the tree injected the heroin into Atemu's bloodstream with the shot.


End file.
